Where to begin?

Not that anyone will actually read this, or anything, since you've all stopped checking my humble blog for updates long ago, but why not, eh? A percieved audience is the only audience I need, I'm sure somebody famous said that or a variation of that, and if not, they have now!

Disclaimer - a startlingly large part of this entry comes from emails to various friends and family over the last week or year. so deal with it.

Asleep again I dreamwalk through my past and enjoy the shadows of memory.

But I'm doing ok. I find that, on little sleep (5-6 hours every night for a week is just fine with me), I'm more awake than if I've slept for a long time. Though on these days I'm somewhat in zombieland, and typically much quieter (not that I don't say anything, but my volume is automatically and drastically decreased), it nonetheless creates an interesting dynamic for my day.

I blame it all on the business travel - imagine: a typical Friday finishing off a trip, waking up in a hotel on the east coast at 6 am EST (after a few hours of restless sleep on an unfamiliar bed in a hotel room that is too bright on sheets that smell too much of bleach), working that entire day, face jammed in a computer or financial statements, or banging my head against the wall of a pentagenarian's fear of computers until 4 or 5 pm EST, then jamming to the airport to catch a flight that puts me, barring delays, in San Diego at 3 am EST, then hanging with the roommates/homies, in a zombie-like mode, until 6-7 am EST...and the upshot of all this being that when you try to wrest yourself back into a normal schedule, you find that you've conformed to the fucked up schedule, "broken chairs your body conforms to," to quote the inimitable Doug Martch. Insomnia isn't an affliction, it's an acquired taste (that's all me).

I used to travel for my company, all over the USA, coming back to San Diego on the weekends, but I don't anymore. I miss it. Chicago, NYC, Miami, Dallas, Houston, the Atlantic, the Great Lakes, the Great Cornfields, America is large and and I have seen its largeness. I have driven across Texas in the summer nights with the windows down, letting the sticky air pervade my spirit. I have slid gleefully across icy roads in Wisconsin, spinning the tires of my rental car like a 16-year old on the frozen, deserted roadway. I have danced all night in the nightclubs of Boston, walking from bar to bar and realizing in a smiling flash that it's a small big city. I have cried, alone and tired in a Holiday Inn by the highway in Tennessee, feverish with the flu and missing Her fussiness over me. I have jumped for joy in the green spring air of Kentucky, breathing in life itself.

I could go on forever, I love to write, but who knows if anyone is ever listening?

Besides, I'm about to go home where the light of the computer shines no more. I'm about to get German.

-tn

Hits