a veil over my happy

Was trying to explain this to someone the other day, and it ocurred to me that I'm just not equipped to express my own feelings of happiness.

I'm usually a happy person, a very happy person. really. Even when I'm sad, I enjoy it, like you enjoy the blues. When I'm happy, its like my baseline feeling, my normal mode - I'm always happy and so it doesn't merit description or expression or even acknowlegement. So, when I write stuff, when I'm motivated to write stuff, its only when I'm sad or mildly depressed.

But then you blogreaders read all these depressing posts and think "Wow, Teddy's a really dark, disturbed guy" and then you email me "Wow, Teddy, you're really dark and disturbed!" And its just not true.

I think of it like this - you don't notice or comment on ordinary things when you're walking down the street; you don't notice the elderly couple out for a stroll, the businessman power-walking to a meeting, briefcase in hand, the mom with her baby in a stroller.

But you do notice things out of the ordinary; you do notice the punk rockers with pink spiked hair holding hands with the Japanese schoolgirls, you do notice the mormon guys in ties having a foursome with the two nuns, you do notice Gray Davis and Arnold Schwartzenegger shoving eachother around and you do notice when Arnold crumples Davis up into a ball, puts him into a Magnum brand condom and shoves him up a midget's butt, saying "Davis screws the little guy - Vote Yes on Total Recall!!"

see what I mean?

-tn

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