navigating the sea of solitude

OK, OK, I posted that other post yesterday, then deleted it, and reposted. I'm strange like that, I change my mind sometimes.

But I never change my heart. So K, if you're still out there in that cruel hard world that we're supposed to protect eachother from, know that I have no idea what's going on right now, that I am simply trying to ride out the storm, spending my days lashed to the mast of absence's frigate and trying not to think about the winds and rain and angry sea threatening to consume me.

I miss you. I miss the happy you, the carefree you who cares, the bright, flaring you who flashed into my life like a match lit in a cave and pushed my darkness to the corners of consciousness; you whose shining blue eyes seem to grow whenever I think about you, to grow and unfold like a globe turning into a map, to grow until they dwarf all else on my horizon and I have no sense of scale anymore, no reference point save the soullight of your eyes. I have no anchor there, adrift in your ocean, nothing to tell "me" from "you", and whatever once was Teddy is lost and forgotten in the murderous bliss of remembered love.

-tn

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